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Dating Tips for Single Parents

Dating Tips for Single Parents

Single and ready to mingle? As a single parent, you’ve likely mastered the playdate, but now it’s time for you to date-date. As a single mom with a 6-year-old son, I know exactly where you are coming from. I once feared the same “problems” you’re worried about but found the courage to tackle them; and, now, I’m happily dating and relating. In fact, my married mom friends even playfully call me Chrissy Bradshaw and liken me to the mom version of the infamous Carrie ─ a compliment I don’t exactly mind! If you’re feeling nervous or confused about entering the complex world of dating again, especially following a breakup or divorce, read on and stop letting your “problem” be an excuse.

 

Problem: The last person you dated was your ex-spouse or child’s parent. You feel like you’ve never been kissed and are woozy just thinking about a first date!

Solution: Don’t let those nerves nauseate you, but instead let them thrill you. Embrace that energy, those sweaty palms, and the knots in your stomach ─ they’re all signs that you’re taking a positive step forward to try something new in your life. The magic happens outside of your comfort zone.

 

Problem: Where are other singles? Your life is lived at the park, zoo, Chuck E. Cheese, library, and in your backyard so you’re not really immersed in adult environments these days, huh? No worries!

Solution: Just rethink an afternoon of fun.  Instead of heading to kid-centered places, slip a drawing pad and crayons into your purse and hit up a museum. Your little one will love drawing pictures of the surrounding masterpieces (my son sure does). Instead of a traditional park with swings, visit a dog park. What kid doesn’t love puppies (puppies with cute, single owners)?

 

Problem: You took the plunge and joined an online dating site, but you’re anxious to share that you have a child because you don’t want to scare dating prospects away, right?

Solution: So wrong! We live in the day of the praised and proud modern family. Heck, there’s even an Emmy-winning TV show with the name. No one likes a liar, especially when the building blocks of a relationship include trust. Plus, you know you’d feel icky keeping your beloved kiddo a secret. I always check the ‘yes’ box for ‘have children’ and, in one brief sentence, I spill it about my son being the Lego king of world! You’d be surprised how many dudes still love Lego. Parents give unconditional love, mend boo-boos, and are professional cuddlers ─ if you ask me, we have a lot to offer a potential partner.

 

Problem: You’re going on a date and have no clue how to tell your child.

Solution: Start with the truth. If your kid is still crawling, there’s nothing to say or worry about. But as he/she grows older and wiser, it’s best to cut to the chase. At their core, children want happy, healthy parents. Try something like, “Tonight I’m eating dinner with *Joe, a nice man I met at the market. It’s kind of like when you have a playdate with your friend. We all deserve a little fun, right?” Taking it down to your child’s level of comprehension and not making a big deal of your night out is key.

 

Problem: You want to date but you have no time to date. 

Solution: Well, this doesn’t sound like a problem, but more like an excuse! I’m a solo single mom, meaning my son’s dad doesn’t physically help. I get feeling bogged down with parenting, work, chores, and your child’s social calendar, but you need to make time for yourself or risk losing your marbles. As much as your child needs his chicken nugget dinner and squishy hug from you; you need the same from an adult (and sushi and wine)! We need emotional and physical connections that fulfill our needs, too. So, find a babysitter…it’s just one night.

 

Problem: You’ve been dating the same guy for months now and have the, um, itch (you know what I mean). You are thinking about sex, but you feel weird engaging in it at home with the kids tucked in just doors away (rightfully so); but you can’t exactly sleep over your partner’s place because you need to relieve the sitter and, of course, be on-hand for the upcoming morning routine.

Solution: I actually think single parents have a fun advantage here. It’s an exciting time to crave and plot sex (oh, the butterflies). A mid-day escapade on your lunch break or when your child is at after-school activities is totally invigorating! Sex before dinner works up an appetite. Parking isn’t outdated either. Where there’s a will, there’s a way!

 

Christine Coppa lives in New Jersey with her son Jack Domenic. She is the author of the single parent memoir, Rattled! (Broadway Books 2009) and a serial dater. Tweet about your date night @JDSMOM2007 #OrlandoFamilyDate

 

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Log onto OrlandoFamilyMagazine.com/contests to win a copy of Rattled! In this warm, honest, and funny memoir, Christine Coppa shares how her life as a magazine assistant was unexpectedly interrupted when she became pregnant. Discover how trading Manhattan for the suburbs, skinny jeans for sweatpants, and all-nighters with the girls for 3 a.m. feedings with a restless infant helped Christine choose to live a life that honors what’s important to her ─ and finds the strength she didn’t know she had in the process.