The Do’s and Don’ts in a Potty Predicament

The sound of a sudden flush gurgles overhead. “Did you hear that?” I look at my husband. He looks at me. Another flush follows a few seconds later. Water begins dripping down the wall.  Mark and I race each other up the stairs. I get there first and throw open the bathroom door.

Our son Ben squeals in delight. He flushes the toilet again. Water gushes over the rim and down the bowl, dripping through the seam between the toilet and the floor—down into my kitchen cupboard.

I grab my wayward child and scoot him and his wet fingers over to the sink. Mark grabs the plunger and pushes and pulls at the clog. The water sinks below rim-level, but it seems the clog is too far down to plunge loose. That’s okay; I’ll just flush the clog away.  I flush, and then wait while the tinkling water fills up the tank. I flush, again, and wait.  Ben sticks his nose close to the toilet rim, squealing again, as he watches the water swirl slowly down the drain.

I pour a bottle of drain cleaner into the toilet. Each glug-glug fills the air with a sharp, chemical stench. It seems to work; I get one good flush. I flush again for good measure and the water swirls down the drain in slow motion. OK, now it’s time for the “just-in-case” heavy-duty drain cleaner. The bottle says to wait a few hours and then flush with warm water. So, I wait, keeping a watchful eye to ensure my bathroom-restriction order is obeyed. Two hours later, there’s a rather big popping sound, followed by more water down my kitchen cupboards, this time a smelly dribble.

Wait!  That’s not what I expected! I don’t race up to the bathroom. For some reason, I tip-toe, not sure what I’m going to find, but sure that I don’t want to find it. I slowly open the bathroom door and take a peek:  Well, the room is still there.  That’s good.  Hey, the toilet’s still there!  That’s good, too.  But, then I see it—a hairline fracture along two sides of the bowl. Wow! That drain chemical must be more powerful than I thought.

The cracks are above the water line. So, maybe it’s okay, right?  I flush. I hold my breath. The water slowly drains from the bowl. Oh, come on!  How can that not be enough to clear a simple clog?  It broke the toilet!

My husband and I finally admit the problem is beyond our plumbing expertise. Some friends come over to do the manly thing. A quick look reveals we need a new toilet. Getting the new toilet in place, as it turns out, is easier than figuring out what plugged up the old one.  Whatever is in there won’t go down, even with a snake pushing it from the top.  The guys flip the old toilet over and push the clog out the top.  And there it is…a simple plastic milk cap from a certain fast food joint my son loves. Too big to fit into the pipe and too awkward to withdraw with the plunger, it’s absolutely perfect for trapping two caustic drain cleaners, making the toilet erupt!

So, for all you do-it-yourselfers who, like us, don’t really know what you’re doing, here are a few tips:

• Do NOT put drain cleaner into a toilet. The bottle says “not for toilets” for a reason.
• Do try plunging up anything that’s stuck. Better to pull it up rather than push it further down.
• In case you ignore the bottle that says don’t put drain cleaner in a toilet, do NOT mix multiple kinds of drain cleaner in the same clogged toilet!
• Do get a spare donut…that’s a wax ring that fits the toilet to the pipe to prevent leaks. Very important!
• Do turn off the water to the toilet and drain the toilet.
• Do unhook the toilet properly, hopefully before it cracks.
• Do turn the toilet over to push out the offending clog.
• Do use the new wax donut to seal the pipes and then replace the toilet.
• Be happy you didn’t have to buy a new toilet because you learned from our mistakes!