Married for more than 50 years, Sandra Fuchs’ parents were used to relying on each other. When her mother developed multiple health problems in her later years, Fuchs, a mother of three, said that “Dad became Mom’s main caregiver.” But after her father developed brain cancer, Fuchs suddenly found herself assumingcare for both parents. “It’s quite a juggling act when you’re a caregiver for an older family member along with being a parent,” she points out.

If you’re caring for a chronically ill, older person or someone who is disabled, you’re “on call” 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And if you add children to the mix, it’s enough to push a well-intentioned care provider beyond  his or her stress threshold. At some point, you’re going to need a breather. Here’s a look at some ways to get the level of relief you may need (and deserve).

A Much-Needed Personal Break

Respite care provides caregivers a break from their daily responsibilities. It might involve medical or social adult day care, and/or a short-term stay in a nursing home or assisted living facility for the loved one, a home health aide or home health companion, a private-duty nurse, or adult foster care. At a certain point, you have to call in the troops, says Fuchs, who has occasionally hired part-time cleaning and cooking help for her parents, asked for help from a cousin, and arranged for short-term convalescent home care for her mother.

It can provide a much needed short break so that a caregiver can go to a doctor’s appointment or simply go to the grocery store. It’s important to set aside time  for something as simple as a nap or a bath, the opportunity to attend a church service, see a movie, visit friends, or take a brief vacation. For women with children, it means being able to attend a school play or a ballet recital — or just to have some “down” time with the family.

There are many options, says Judith Diamond, director of community relations for Concepts for Living, a free residential placement service for seniors. She says adult day care can be particularly helpful for both the parent and the caregiver.

“Options during the day can include church-related or city-sponsored senior programs, adult day-care centers and adult health-care centers,” says Diamond. At these centers an older adult can attend a program from 4 to 8 hours a day during the week. Activities include current events discussions, entertainment, board games, cards, dancing, and arts and crafts. Some programs even include transportation to and from the centers.

COVERING COSTS

Some of the costs associated with senior care can be covered through Medicaid and some insurance plans, Diamond says. “Also, some insurance plans do cover short-term respite care in skilled-nursing facilities while a family is on vacation, lasting from one week to ten days,” she adds. “The other option is to hire a caregiver who can stay in your home while you’re away.”

Caregivers can burn out if not given the support they need, says Diamond. Whether it be a week of respite or attending a caregiver support group (offered through hospitals, adult day-care centers, places of worship, senior centers, etc.), people need to know they’re not alone. Some community programs offer caregiver retreats that focus on dealing with stress, encouraging the use of community resources, developing skills to maintain the caregiver’s health and welfare, and reducing the sense of personal isolation. Taking a break for a day or two from what is often a stressful environment can really help recharge your batteries and assist you in coping with the challenging ongoing care of your loved one.

You Are Important – Ask For Help

When a caregiver’s life is being negatively impacted because of his or her role, it may be time to think of more permanent alternatives to the current living situation, such as an assisted living facility or a nursing home. “Older spouses who become caregivers often burn out quickly if not given support,” says Diamond. “I have had several clients with spouses suffering from dementia. Others have risked their own health attempting to assist a spouse who had fallen.”

It’s also important to note that if a caregiver feels reluctant to take the next step and accept assistance from a “stranger,” the  isolation and exhaustion can adversely affect the relationship between caregiver and loved one. Assisting with the normal daily routine and being constantly on alert to prevent a crisis leaves little time and energy for simply sharing a cup of tea or looking through a family scrapbook together. A support system can help with the personal care and give the caregiver more quality time to spend not only with the loved one, but also with the family and on her or himself. “Caregivers are truly the unsung heroes of today’s family, whether they be a spouse, a child, or even a grandchild,” Diamond states.

HOW TO LOCATE HELP

Your local agency on aging is one of the first resources to check out. Even if you aren’t quite ready to ask for help yet, there are incredible resources at your disposal in our community, and many individuals happy to just listen to your concerns, who will be there for you when you decide to accept some help. For more information, visit Share the Care’s comprehensive website at: http://helpforcaregivers.org/resources_family_caregiving.htm and remember to explore the resources available to help you cope with your physical demands, financial concerns, and emotional needs.