Separation Anxiety is a condition experienced by some individuals when separated from those to whom they have a strong emotional attachment, and is a natural part of the developmental process for children and frequently for parents as well. It most commonly affects children ages 6 months to 3 years and adults of any age. We generally think about separation anxiety when we talk about children starting school for the first time.  However, this separation can be just as hard, if not harder, on the parents.

My baby, now 14 months old, started day care at 3 months of age.  As a first time mom, I was very reluctant to let anyone else care for him. Even though I am the curriculum coordinator at my son’s preschool and I knew I would only be a few feet away from him, it was still extremely hard for me and I found this to be a very emotional time as a parent. There were, however, some things that I found could help ease the separation anxiety for me as well as my baby, the most important of which was knowing my child’s teachers and knowing that I could trust them. Here are some insights on how to minimize separation anxiety for you and your child:

First, visit as many daycares, schools, and home care facilities as you have to.  If you feel uneasy or unsure about something, there is probably a good reason. Trust your motherly instinct!  Make a list of questions to take along in all of your visits. Don’t hesitate to ask anything. Many facilities now offer video cams in their classrooms; my son’s school does and it greatly helped put my mind at ease.

Next, spend some time (15-20 min) in the classroom observing how the staff interacts with the children and how comfortable your child is. The most important part in all this is that both you and your child feel safe when it is time to separate.

Once you have chosen a school and it is time to start, make sure to take along any items your child might need to feel more secure: blanket, pacifier, a photo of your family, etc…

As anxious as you may be, try to keep your cool while dropping off your child. Children sense their parents’ fear and in turn will have more anxiety themselves. If you need to, stay for a few minutes, but don’t linger too long. When you leave, make sure to tell your child that you are leaving now but will be back to pick him/her up in a little while. Do not sneak off! If your child is older, plan something special you will do when you are together again at the end of the day. If needed, set up a partial start, where your child only stays in school for half a day to become acclimated.  If you are still concerned, it is always OK to call and ask how your child is doing.

Separation Anxiety is a very natural process that some children and parents will experience. Just remember that, ultimately, friends, family members, your family physician, and most of all your child’s care givers can all be of help during this adjustment period.