Online Etiquette for Couples 

He “likes” you(r relationship status on Facebook)…he likes you not. Could social media make or break your relationship? Our computers, smartphones, and tablets have become the convenient one-stop shop for connections beyond our wildest dreams. Logging in to talk with ‘friends’ can instantly relieve loneliness, stress, and boredom, or supply an unlimited source of entertainment, conversation, and stimulation ─ anytime, anyplace 24/7. But could all this connecting translate into disconnection with your significant other?

For many of us, social media has become Viagra for any lackluster moment. Yet, there’s a reason why Facebook is cited in over 30% of all divorce filings these days, according to nationally recognized intimacy expert, Sheri Meyers, Psy.D., author of CHATTING OR CHEATING: How To Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.

Couples need to communicate early on about what’s acceptable (and what isn’t) to post on social media. We each have a different sense of what’s private and suitable to share. Exposing (even in jest) something that feels personal to one’s partner can feel like betrayal, akin to revealing a deep, dark secret behind his/her back. A “Social Media Prenup” offers a preemptive agreement and establishes an understanding about what to do should mishaps arise.

How can you tell when it’s time to draft a Social Media Prenup? Dr. Meyers advises couples to take the following test: Do you or your partner…

• Spend time chatting online or texting when you could be with each other?
• Feel hurt, angry, embarrassed, or even betrayed by something the other posted/shared online?
• Have disagreements over who either of you should ‘friend’ or communicate with online?
• Feel jealous or suspicious of each other’s online friendships and interactions?
• Feel like texting intrudes or interferes with your time together?
• Sense that you need to compete with your partner’s mobile device for his/her attention?
• Never talk about what is/isn’t acceptable online/texting behavior?

If you answered ‘yes,’ to any of the above, it’s definitely time to have a conversation with your partner. Here are some helpful considerations for an effective Social Media Prenup:

Attitude & communication are key.

Give yourselves (and your relationship) quality time to discuss this matter seriously. Choose a quiet place, free of smartphones and distractions. Listen to what your partner has to say, how he/she feels, and commit to finding an agreeable solution. You each need to be willing to choose your partner over any social or technical hobby.

Establish what is off limits & what needs prior approval.

Some of this may be obvious: no nude or partially nude photos, no discussing yucky personal habits, no griping about your friends/family, no “revelations” about skeletons in the closet, etc. But some things aren’t that obvious, such as: Are you okay with your partner reconnecting with an old flame? What level of access to one another’s account is appropriate? Are there any parameters for interacting with newly made friends of the opposite sex? How much time online is too much?

Don’t suffer the consequences.

Everyone makes mistakes. Have a game plan in place on how to handle it if you or your partner accidentally posts something that crosses a line. Will you apologize publicly? Delete the post right away? Agree to run anything even slightly questionable by each other first?

The challenges of social media etiquette are just another opportunity to communicate better with your partner and stay connected and awake in your relationship. Committing to a Social Media Prenup tells your partner that your relationship is of paramount importance, and hopefully s/he’ll feel the same way. The next time you’re tempted to post a compromising photo of your partner or reveal a little too much about what’s going on behind the scenes of your relationship, make sure you’re holding hands while you push the send button!

Sheri Meyers, Psy.D, is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Los Angeles, CA, and author of “Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.” For a free chapter of Chatting or Cheating, please go to chattingorcheating.com.