Facing the Golden Years Without Fear

Retirement can be a rewarding chapter, but caring for elderly loved ones can be stressful without adequate support from compassionate, well-trained experts who are here to help with everything from legal advice to memory care so everyone can find some peace of mind.

The phenomenon of “the sandwich generation”—individuals from any generational cohort simultaneously caring for their children and their aging loved ones—has been recognized since the late 20^th century, when longer lifespans and later childbearing years collided to bring the effect into stark clarity.

Most people don’t truly understand that delicate balancing act until they’re living through the reality of raising youngsters who generally become increasingly independent and active while juggling the elder care that sees their parents growing more reliant upon them, whether from illness, limited mobility or cognitive decline; for those whose children have high-support needs, the mental load of playing two caretaker roles can be even greater.

It can be an extraordinarily emotional and stressful time of difficult transitions, new expectations and shifting roles. And while life has a way of unfolding in unpredictable ways, there are plenty of professionals right here in Central Florida to provide lived-in guidance or support, all while ensuring that elderly loved ones can enjoy their golden years with the quality of life and dignity their deserve.

“The good news is there are many more resources today than in the past in planning for retirement. The key is planning and deciding ahead what’s important to you and your family,” notes Jason Alford, vice president of sales and business development at Health First Health Plans, who adds that it helps to think of retirement as a team sport. “Build a team both for your financial planning and for your health care planning. In addition to your family and friends, you want partners in the journey—examples include an estate planner, a financial advisor, an accountant, a health insurance broker and so on to help you navigate the complexities of retirement. … The key is planning ahead and finding the community resources designed to help along the way.”

Whether retiring signals lifestyle shifts like more time spent doting on the grandkids, indulging in travel and leisure actives, or downsizing, there are more offerings than ever for seniors based on their activity levels, interests and medical needs. But one constant remains the same: Failing to properly prepare can have unforeseen consequences limiting one’s options, which is why it’s especially important make sure aging loved ones’ plans, preferences and needs are all accounted for while they’re still of sound mind.

“We’ve seen how much smoother retirement goes when families plan ahead,” the team at Home Instead affirms. “Connecting with a financial planner who understands the aging journey is a great place to start. Things like long-term care insurance, HSAs (health savings accounts) or even reverse mortgages—when they make sense—can really help. You can also find a lot of useful info at local aging resource centers; many offer free guidance from social workers or elder care experts on benefits like Medicaid long-term care or VA Aid and Attendance. Having a game plan early gives you more control later.”

Having that team of trusted professionals on your side not only provides access to useful advice but also can avoid the pitfalls that come with taking on too much alone and inadvertently creating new snarls in the process.

“A potential client will call and ask about getting power of attorney for their parents, but it’s not a matter of ‘getting’ it because only the principal can give it to you,” says attorney Pamela Martini, whose Law Office of Pamela G. Martini specializes in elder care cases. “Your parents need to call us and make an appointment, and we need to talk to them because that person who’s actually signing the durable power of attorney is going to be the one that hires me to do that for them. I have to find out from them who they want. …. It’s very important to do that while they still have the mental capacity. A lot of times, we get those calls because the person has lost capacity and then their child is running into problems because they don’t have a power of attorney—and at that point, it’s too late.”

Martini notes that a power of attorney is effective immediately in the state of Florida, and clients have expressed discomfort with giving even their most trusted family members that much control while they can still advocate for themselves. Successfully navigating not only the paperwork but also the myriad complexities of elder law, especially during an emotional time, underscore the importance of delegating important tasks to those who know the system best, she notes.

“You’ve got to be really careful about doing these documents yourself, because there are statutory requirements for how they’re executed,” explains Martini. “You don’t ever want to be in a situation where you might give that document to the bank and the bank says, ‘Well, wait a minute, I know your mother and I know she didn’t know what she was signing, and so we’re not going to accept this.’ The biggest thing is just don’t cut corners: Go to an experienced elder law or estate planning attorney and get the documents done right. That’s the best protection for everybody involved.”

You’ll also want to help vet an aging loved one’s potential living arrangements and supplemental supervision. Today’s retirement communities, senior housing, and the care experts who make aging in place an easier preference to accommodate are all here to help Central Florida’s senior population make the most of this chapter and embrace being young at heart.

“More and more seniors are planning for retirement in multiple locations, potentially sharing time between states based upon various factors like family, weather, and the tax structure in different states—so for some, planning for retirement may include living in multiple locations,” says Alford. “There have also been a number of advancements in home-based care. For many, the goal is to stay at home as long as possible and to remain independent. Some of these enhancements in home care include telemedicine, companionship services and remote monitoring technologies that allow loved ones and caregivers to have a virtual connection to seniors.”

“Retirement looks totally different today than it did a generation ago,” the Home Instead team agrees. “It’s much more flexible now. People are mixing in-home care with things like adult day programs, or using agencies that can help with transportation and daily needs. There’s more freedom to design care around your lifestyle and make changes as your needs shift over time.”

Before getting started, a professional medical assessment can help make sure you’re seeking solutions that complement your loved one’s needs and wishes, as well as getting an updated and accurate look at their overall physical and mental health.

“Our most important goal is to provide the care and services our residents need to live their best life,” explains Dylan Spader, administrator for Good Samaritan Society – Kissimmee Village. “As adults age, their health care needs change. … If you or a loved one are experiencing symptoms that you believe may be related to dementia, it is best to consult a doctor for a professional diagnosis and to discuss treatment options.”

For retirees who wish to age in place for as long as they can, in-home providers can often help caregivers provide additional and mutually beneficial companionship, autonomy, and an objective perspective on any shifts their elderly family member is undergoing to ensure that their care is aligned with their needs.

“In-home care allows people to age in the environment they are most comfortable: their own home,” begins Tyler Auker, president and owner of Comfort Keepers. “It reduces stress, preserves independence and gives families peace of mind. A good caregiver does more than providing physical support, they also provide companionship and consistency. Both are incredibly important—and, unfortunately, often overlooked—benefits that can truly enhance the lives of those dealing with isolation or cognitive decline. It also allows spouses and adult children to focus more on being family, not just caregivers.”

Of course, spending more time with friends and family is often a top priority for aging parents and grandparents no matter their living situation. That time together isn’t just a way to love people while they’re here: It’s also an unobtrusive inroad to monitoring and managing elderly loved ones’ mental acuity, as cognitive decline is one of the most well-known side effects of aging and tends to arrive with increased care needs.

“’Quality of life’ is intertwined with acceptance, dignity and maintaining the highest level of independence possible in any given circumstance,” adds Steve Rosebrock, the executive director of Orlando Lutheran Towers Foundation and program director for Orlando Senior Health Network’s Life Enrichment Center. “Key principles include: Person-centered care that focuses on who they are, not just the disease, and honors their preferences in music, food and activities; encourage independence—offer choices, collaborate rather than dictate; adapt as needs change by adjusting expectations while fostering joy in small, achievable ways. … The goal is not just to manage symptoms but to cultivate moments of connection and purpose throughout the journey.”

“Let them keep as much control of their life as possible,” advises Dr. Mary Travis of Travis Psycho Educational Services. “Respect the person’s personal space. Build quiet times into the day, along with activities. Keep well-loved objects and photographs around the house to help the person feel more secure. Remind the person who you are if he or she doesn’t remember, but try not to say, ‘Don’t you remember?’ Encourage a two-way conversation for as long as possible. Try distracting the person with an activity, such as a familiar book or photo album, if you are having trouble communicating with words.”

It’s important to remember that not all instances of memory lapses or human error are signs that one’s mental state is in decline; however, proactively thwarting any serious problems before they come to fruition is generally a step in the right direction and can avoid the terror of small warning signs escalating into an emergency scenario.

“While occasional forgetfulness—like misplacing keys—is normal, more significant cognitive changes warrant evaluation from a physician,” says Rosebrock. “These key indicators include memory lapses affecting daily life, like forgetting the purpose of common objects (e.g., not recognizing what keys are for); a decline in financial management, such as difficulty paying bills, making calculations, or handling money responsibly; changes in personal care, like neglecting hygiene, grooming or dressing appropriately; and social withdrawal, such as loss of interest in long-held activities and hobbies, attending religious services or meeting friends.”

For those whose elderly family member or friend has received a neurological diagnosis like Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia, spending time together can be a mutually beneficial way to keep an eye on their mental state while ensuring their quality of life isn’t diminished.

“Isolation and inactivity can exacerbate dementia symptoms,” notes Uzma Khan, MD, of Headlands Research. “Dementia not only affects the patient: It can be very difficult on the families that care for them. Staying active and connected with family and friends ensures a person feels supported. Maintaining a high quality of life for loved ones with dementia involves creating a consistent daily routine, engaging them in meaningful and familiar activities, and fostering strong social connections to reduce isolation. … Above all, respecting the individual’s dignity and involving them in decisions whenever possible helps preserve their sense of purpose and autonomy.”

A cognitive decline isn’t necessarily a life sentence, though, and Dr. Travis notes that many of her older patients have reclaimed some mental capacity through Cogmed, a well-researched digital therapeutic program designed to bolster attention and improve memory.

“I’ve had a lot of success with the program with people in their late 60s and 70s,” she confirms. “The brain really is a very plastic thing. You don’t want to let these connections die or atrophy, but if they do, you can make new ones. You can do workarounds; that’s what happens when people have strokes and they come back and learn how to talk again.”

Despite younger and well-meaning family members’ best intentions, though, the time may come to look into assisted-living solutions so your loved one has the safety and support they need. The bleak image of assisted living being synonymous with hiding away elderly individuals in lonely, sterile rooms to live out their days in unengaged isolation is far from today’s reality. Think more along the lines of thriving, beautifully landscaped gated communities that offer everything from onsite salons and fine dining to weekly daytrips, group activities designed to keep the mind and body limber, and indulging beloved hobbies in a vibrant, individualized setting that still ensures its residents have access to the medical, safety and physical assistance they need to truly live their best, healthiest lives.

Many senior-living or retirement communities offer a continuum of care so residents aren’t uprooted as their needs change, ensuring that they can remain in a comfortable, familiar place—and where they have access to the community and caregivers who know them well. Those offerings typically include a memory-care component specially designed for individuals requiring 24-hour assistance and the services of specially trained professionals.

They also allow for a peace of mind for those who want what’s best for their loved one but don’t have the capacity or means to deliver the higher level of care that’s become a necessity.

“It may be time to consider a memory-care living community when safety becomes a serious concern—such as frequent wandering, falls, or inability to manage daily tasks like eating, bathing or medication,” Dr. Khan explains. “Increasing caregiver burnout, behavioral changes that are difficult to manage at home—like aggression or severe confusion—or a decline in physical health may also indicate the need for a higher level of support. Memory-care facilities are designed specifically for those with cognitive impairment, offering secure environments, structured routines, and trained staff to provide round-the-clock specialized care. Making this decision is never easy, but it’s important to consider both the well-being of the person with dementia and the health of their caregivers.”

“If you’re questioning your loved one’s safety at home alone, it may be time to consider memory care,” Spader agrees. “As memory loss progresses, being home alone can create potentially unsafe situations: Examples include forgetting to turn off the oven, getting disoriented during a walk outdoors or missing scheduled medication times. Alzheimer’s disease and other related dementias require a unique type of care. In a memory care assisted living community, the staff is specially trained to help support your loved one. They understand the symptoms of dementia, know how to communicate with residents and respond to their behaviors, and help residents engage in meaningful activities—all in a supportive, nurturing environment.”

Through it all, remember that time is a precious and limited commodity. While it’s easy to get wrapped up in the act of providing care for your aging loved one, showing up and loving them out loud on their terms reinforces your presence for them and will reward you with warm memories to be cherished for years to come.

“Physical care is important but emotional connection and trust are what make it sustainable,” Auker affirms. “As someone who has lost both of his parents, my biggest piece of advice is this: Don’t take the time you have for granted. Be present and spend as much time with your loved ones as you can.”